When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting. (Neal A. Maxwell)

I have come across this quote a few times now and every time I do it brings comfort to my heart. When we lost Mason it was devastating. The world stopped for us. All things that we thought we were important no longer mattered. Even though I knew we were given this trial for a reason it was and still is very hard to accept. 

I often think why did this have to happen to us? Why did a little life so precious and perfect have to be taken away from our family? What did we do to deserve an experience as awful as this? Of all the horrible things that could have happened to us, why did Heavenly Father have to take our Baby? The questions could go on and on, but I know asking these questions will not help in my healing. Wondering why me all day long will get me no where. I have to dig deep into my soul and deal with the ugliness of all that happened in order for me to improve upon myself and come out of this better than I was before.

I think this is why this quote keeps finding its way to me. Before Mason left us I think I had become comfortable in the way things were. I was not striving to better each day, but rather I felt good where I was at and who I was. I had strong faith in the Lord and a testimony of his true Gospel. The Lord, however, knew that I could do better and the only thing that was going to get me to change was something that would shatter my world. Heavenly Father knew that I needed an experience that would cause me to perfect my faith...and oh has my faith been perfected. I do not know what I would do without my perfect understanding that I will get to see my baby again one day and raise him up to his full stature. I have read lots of doctrine that explains when babies and small children leave this life before they reach the age of accountability their mothers will be able to raise them up from the way they laid them to rest. So, when the day comes at the Resurrection I will be able to hold little Mason in my arms again and give him all the kisses I have longed to give him all my life.

I thank my Heavenly Father for perfecting my faith in him, so that I can again be with Mason.