My Mason

Life is so very precious and you just never know when a little life is going to be taken too soon. We sadly lost our little boy Mason on December 10, 2010. I had gone in for my regular appointment with my doctor and he had a hard time finding the babies heartbeat. I was so scared and wanted my baby to be safe. I went down the hall and a nurse did a non-stress test to find that our baby no longer had a heartbeat.

My doctor came down and talked with me to give me the devastating news. I was in shock. I didn't cry-- I just sat there with my heart breaking into a million pieces. How could this happen to me? I'm not supposed to lose my babies. Ive already had a healthy baby with no complications. Their must be some kind of mistake. I'm only four weeks away from my due date-- women don't lose babies this late in pregnancy. He is supposed to come home to his family who have been anticipating his arrive for the last 8 months.

My doctor called Derrick at work and gave him the news. He left work and came straight to me. When Derrick walked in the room we just cried together. Cried for our loss. Cried for our baby boy that should have been. Cried because there were no words to say. My doctor came in a while later and gave us our options. We decided to go straight over to the hospital and I would be induced. The induction went fast and by 8:33pm Mason was born. He was 6 pounds 9 ounces, 18 1/2 inches, and perfect in every way. He looked just like his older brother with the butt chin and all. The only difference was that Mason's hair was blond-- and curly like his moms.

I held him all night long never wanting to let him go. I told him all about his family and how much they all loved him. I told him about his big brother Drew and how he loved Ironman and Star Wars. I told him about his Daddy who was so excited to have two favorite little boys. I told him about his grandparents and how excited they were to have another grandbaby. I told him about his crazy cousins. I told him how much I loved him with every fiber of my being and that if I could make this all better I would. I wished so bad that he would open his eyes and look at me and this all would be a bad dream. But I knew he would not open his eyes and that he wasn't going to be coming home with me.

I looked at all his perfect little body parts that were all ready to go. He had 10 beautiful little fingers and 10 beautiful little toes. Mason was all ready to go except that he had to go home to his Heavenly Father instead of with us. All he needed to get was his body so he could return back to Heaven. I'm comforted with the knowledge that I will see him again someday and hold him in my arms, but for now I will have to wait. I know that right now will be the hardest, but with time the pain of him not being here will get softer and more easy to bare.

We decided to take Mason back to San Luis Obispo because that is our home. I could not think of another place better to put him to rest. We chose a little cemetery close to where we used to live and Derrick walked by it everyday to work. It's beautiful. Mason will now live under a beautiful sycamore tree with big leaves and branches to protect him. We hope someday to be able to go back and live there again so we can all be together.

The service was beautiful and Mason's little spirit was there with us as we said good-bye. Both of his Grandpa's spoke with such sweetness and elegance as they honored Mason. My best friend Tani sang. I read a letter I wrote to Mason expressing my love for him and letting him know that he will always be apart of me. I told him of my hopes and dreams for him. I told him that it was now his job to watch over our family and be our guardian angel. That he will have to walk us through this life, so that we can be with him again.